Backward Spirals
by Niko
Summary: A repost/edited version of the origonal Future's Past Present's sequil/prequil. After a tif before skool with Zim, everything goes downhill for Dib.
1. handcuff havoc

Don't get your hopes up (if you had any about this in the first place). This is a repost with sex sceens omitted. I am not comming back to the fandom ^,~ Still love'in the ZADR and IZ in general but I have no muse!  
  
For those who didn't read BS back in it's day becuase of the NC-17 rateing, this is for you. And for JE who reminded me that it's wrong to assume everyone who reads a PG-13 fic is gonna be up for reading it's NC-17 sequil ^,~ Gomem ne.   
  
And, of course, for Karyx who betaed the first draft. That poor poor inosent creature ^,~ I feel bad for putting you through my writting and my spelling ^,~  
  
***  
The first thing Zim learned to love about Earth was its gravity. Over six long years on the rotten dirt ball had finally paid off, not in conquest but in height. Zim smiled at his 6-foot tall reflection as he went over his daily grooming. He'd already bathed himself in paste and put on his normal attire. Looking at himself again in the mirror, Zim smiled.  
  
"I make invading look gooood."  
  
"Looking gooooood," Gir reiterated, popping up from behind Zim's legs. "Can I play dress up now?"  
  
Zim nodded, picking up his small robot friend and standing him on the dresser so he could clothe him in his human preskooler disguise. For such a "special" little thing, Gir stood still long enough for him to do it.  
  
"There we go, Gir," Zim announced as he locked the red-haired helmet into place. Twin turquoise lights peered out from the head's mouth.   
  
"Today I'm gonna draw a mongoose!" the robot shouted, jumping down and running to the front door where he'd wait until they left.  
  
Zim walked Gir to preskool first, then walked to his own hi skool. No sooner had he managed the first block than the telltale sound of Gaz's horn blasted from behind him. Zim jumped and ducked into the bushes, as he'd learned was the appropriate response when the she-devil was loose. Instead of firm ground, he felt the unmistakable feel of flesh under him as he completed his leap to safety.  
  
"Ouch! Jeez, Zim!"  
  
Zim looked down, surprised, but not overly, at the inky-black-haired boy he'd happened to pounce on. "So, this spot's taken?"  
  
"Get off me!" Dib ordered, squirming. Zim had him locked on the ground and didn't seem in a hurry to stand, either.  
  
"I know you're weird, Dib, and I know I'm probably gonna regret asking this but...just what are you doing hiding in the bushes? Aren't you supposed to be getting a ride from your sister?"  
  
Dib glared, doing his best to look intimidating in his current position. "Like I'd tell you."  
  
"Let me guess, then." Zim bit his lower lip as if he were thinking very hard. "You were waiting here for me to come by so you could jump me and detain me with handcuffs?"  
  
"Lucky guess!"  
  
"You're so predictable." Zim rolled off the human, patting his striped shirt free of dirt. "I thought we'd already been over the whole 'alien stun-cuffs don't work' thing."  
  
Dib picked himself up but remained crouched in the bushes beside Zim. "I never said these were alien stun-cuffs. This time I bought electrifying cuffs." He pulled them from his trench coat pocket with a smirk. "You know...if you're so sure they won't work, why not just try them on?"  
  
The Irkin rolled his eyes, or at least the performed equivalent of the motion. "Everything you buy out of Crop Circle Magazine doesn't work, Dib! It's just a waste of time and labor."  
  
"Prove it!"  
  
"I don't have to prove anything."  
  
"Chicken? Scared they'll work?"  
  
"You're puny human technology makes me laugh."  
  
Dib thrust the cuffs out. "I think you're scared."  
  
"Stupid human!" Zim pulled the cuffs from Dib's hands and slapped them over his own wrists, pulling the chain tight and displaying them for Dib. "See? Nothing. Not a single volt! Ha!"  
  
Dib laughed, the mischievous smile Zim had learned to be weary of playing at his lips. "Does it matter? You're still detained."  
  
The Irkin's mouth fell to the ground in astonishment. "They weren't electrocuting handcuffs, were they?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"You wretched, pig-faced, monkey worm!"  
  
Dib laughed again. "You can't escape from them, Zim. They're made of a special unbreakable alloy! You can only open them with a special key and I have the only one! You make things too easy sometimes."  
  
Zim growled, the only warning before he pounced on Dib again, sitting on his chest so the other couldn't move with the chain of the cuffs pressing down on his throat. Dib gasped for breath, feeling the sharp pain of the metal cutting off his air and digging into his flesh.  
  
"Easy enough, for ya?"  
  
Dib kicked Zim in the back, but the Irkin just smiled, looming over his prey with a feral gleam. "How long can you humans go without your precious stinking oxygen?" He leaned over until his face was nearly pressed against Dib's. "Where's the key?"  
  
Purple tinted lips formed words with gasping breath feeding sound through them in a hard whispering choke. "Back...pants...pocket..."  
  
Zim was suddenly faced with a dilemma. If he moved to get the keys, Dib would be free, but if he let Dib's arms go and made the human get them, he'd probably attack. "Roll over, pathetic earth stink," he ordered, sitting up high enough to permit Dib the slightest of movement. Dib gasped for the much-needed breath that came from being released and complied without meaning to, his natural instinct being to roll away from trouble. Zim sat back on him, backwards this time with his legs still pinning the earth boy's arms down. He moved the trench coat over and slipped both his hands down the pockets, the chain still inhibiting his motion.  
  
"Hey!" Dib shouted hoarsely, embarrassment flushing his features, "you mind?"  
  
Zim apparently didn't. His hands slid over Dib's jeans clad ass, one of them fidgeting with the keys, trying to lock two fingers around the stupidly small piece of metal.   
  
As all things do when one think they can't, it got worse.   
  
A rustle in the bushes made Zim look up in time to see Torque Smacky's surprised, if not completely disgusted face glowering at him.  
  
"I knew you were both creepy, but this is fucked up."  
  
Zim took a quick moment to survey the scene before agreeing fully. Handcuffed with his hands down Dib's pants was not a normal thing for the two rivalries nor did it look very good to anyone who didn't know the story behind it. "I'm looking for the key...." Zim explained in as few words as possible.  
  
Dib was glad he was facing away from the bushes. His face was so red, not just from the near suffocation, it was best hidden in the dirt. Why did stuff like this happen to him? And things were going so well. He'd done all his homework the night before, gotten up early and made his way to the sidewalk landscaping to pounce and cuff Zim and now he was subjected to humiliation by his two worst enemies; the alien scum and the geek hating jock type.   
  
"I should have known it was all an act. You guys aren't enemies! You're queers!" He stood up, his face leaving the bush with a loud laugh that sent foreboding chills down Dib's spine. Zim could tell; his hands were pretty much touching the base of it.  
  
"You got that key yet or are you going to wait until he brings his friends around?"  
  
Zim nodded and fished the key out of the black pants. He'd given up on grabbing it and ended up just dragging it up, over and out. His hands felt quite a bit cooler out of the pockets. He undid the cuffs, then turned around and cuffed Dib's hands behind his back.  
  
"Damnit, Zim! I'd say you've gotten your revenge already!" Dib shouted, though it still came out whispery. Violence was still behind every syllable, though. "Torque is going to beat the shit out of me!" He sat up, testing and grimacing at the restraints as they held tight.   
  
"Better you than me!" Zim said mockingly. "See you in class, Dib. Hope you find someone to carry your books for you since you can't move your arms!" He waved the key with a smug look on his face as he jumped from the bushes and back onto the sidewalk.   
  
A few people looked at him funny, but paid him no mind as he whistled his way towards the brick and mortar monster known as hi skool.  
  
Screams and breaking glass signaled once again that Gaz was in the area and Zim picked up his pace, making it into the building before the fiery vehicle of pain could run him down like a vampire piggy. Why did skool have to be a life and death battle?  
  
His locker was relatively close to his first period class, so he stopped by there first, punching a few people in the back who thought they could walk in front of him at a pace way below satisfactory. Once he'd disposed of the books he didn't need and acquired the tools that he did, he crossed the hall and stepped into class. He was used to being the first there, as being social in the halls wasn't quite his thing, and Mrs. Sweet smiled at him with her long black eyelashes dusting her cheeks.  
  
"Good morning, Zim. And how are you today?"  
  
The sickening high pitch of her voice made him wince. "Just fine Mrs. Sweet."  
  
"I'm so glad to here it."  
  
The bell rang, its three, off-pitch bings of torment echoing in the near empty room, and soon the bodies of his classmates filled the tables. With the tardy bell ringing, Mrs. Sweet began class. Zim gazed to the far end of the first row with a perplexed look. Dib wasn't there. Zim brushed it off. The earth boy had probably gone home in shame for being bested once again by the all mighty Zim.  
  
"Today class we're going to be learning about the oceans and all the fuzzy creatures that live under the sea!"  
  
**  
  
Dib tried not to cry as another knee was forced into his ribs, the air leaving him in a rush, though consciousness still clung by some strong fiber in his being that he wished would just lie down for once. His chest hurt with what he feared might be broken ribs. If not, they were most definitely bruised, along with his eye and a few other choice spots that had been met with fist and fury.  
  
Torque laughed, watching Dib fall to the floor under his foot. Dib was easy enough to pick on normally, but handcuffed he was even easier. Blood dripped from the corner of Dib's mouth and sprayed out across the floor as he hacked and coughed.  
  
"How long you and that green guy been at it, huh? Guess all that fighting's your sick way of foreplay? That makes you some kind of masochist." Torque kicked him again, listening to the satisfying snap beneath his toe. "You getting off on this, Dib? Huh?"  
  
Dib curled into a ball on the floor of the boy's bathroom. He wished Torque hadn't locked the door. His arms hurt. It felt like the right one was out of the socket. A tight fist curled around his collar, pulling up to his feet.  
  
"I asked you a question, Dib. Are you getting off on this?"  
  
Dib shook his head. "Fuck you, Torque. I'm nobody's bitch. Especially not Zim's!"  
Torque laughed at the weak voice that squawked through the blood dripping lips. "Your voice sounds funny. Must be from screaming his name all night long!"  
  
Dib took another punch in the face, knowing to follow it through with as little resistance as possible. It glanced his chin but made a satisfying enough crack as Dib's head crashed into the wall. So much with following it through.  
  
"I bet you are his bitch. Bet he rams into you so hard you can taste it. Bet you're good on your knees too."   
  
By then, tiny UFO's were swimming in Dib's vision while two Torques bounced back and forth, into and out of focus. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. Torque took it as a response.  
  
"You still got the balls to fight me? You wanna slump there and shake your head at me again?"  
  
Torque sounded like an adult talking from "Peanuts." With all the buzzing in his ears, Dib did the worst possible thing possible and shook his head once more.   
  
"Looks like Zim forgot to teach you respect." The bullying jock pulled Dib up off his feet, wrenching him to eye level, which was a good four inches off the ground. "Maybe I should teach you some manners. I doubt he'd mind. Probably shares you with all his friends and their dogs."  
  
Though the words still hummed in the air like some out of range radio station, the actions rang clear. Torque threw him to the ground unceremoniously, dropping down over him like the two hundred pounds of muscle he was. His hands fumbled with the button and zipper of Dib's black pants, the chubby football catching fingers not nimble enough to get it the first time, leaving enough time for Dib to panic.  
  
"N-NO!"  
  
It was only a hoarse whisper, like before, but it was all he could do. The skin on his wrists was raw as he tried to pull free of cuffs.   
  
"Shut it, bitch. No one cares about you. Ain't no one gonna come, even in they do hear you."  
  
Dib felt bile rise in his throat, the burning in his chest and stomach that made his whole frame lurch.   
  
Torque slammed his head sideways, the tile biting into Dib's face. "Don't you dare puke or I'll make you lick it all up."  
  
Swallowing it down wasn't so hard, once one looked at the disgusting rotten floor.   
  
The zipper finally gave way, the pants pulled down to his ankles and secured there with Torque's own belt. His underwear followed with agonizing slowness. Dib did his best not to cry, concentrating all his efforts on shouting for help and fighting his bonds.  
  
No one came to help.  
  
***  
Wow.. chapters get shorter when you take out all the bad stuff ^,~;;;; How does one say that this is a "It's a sick and twistsed peice of crap" without putting ones-self down ^,~;  
  
Bah, I like it anyway ^,~ 


	2. suicidal surrender

Second chapter. No revisions. Lives up to an R rateing but no reason to change anything..... hehe, rereading my old stuff makes me laugh. I sware, I wrote this a year ago and I'm pissed becuase I write better then than I do now. I miss my muse ::sulk::  
  
**  
Zim hadn't thought anything when people started talking about the boy found in the bathroom who'd been beaten up. People got beat up all the time, especially if they were anything like himself; weird and/or different. It wasn't until he heard someone say the boy had been handcuffed that his curiosity peaked. A short inquiry served his conclusion correctly. It had been Dib.  
  
"Guess he wasn't joking when he said Torque was going to beat the shit out of him," he muttered, grabbing his books and heading out the door. "I guess that's what you get when you mess with an Irkin genius like myself."  
  
A quick scamper away from Gaz's vehicle of destruction and demise, and Zim was on his way to the preskool. It was almost too good to be true, he thought, as he kicked a pebble from the sidewalk. Dib risked his life daily to save humanity and humanity was doing Zim's job for him. What a twisted circle. And thankfully it spun in Zim's favor. He spun the tiny key that was Dib's only means of escaping the handcuffs and smiled. Maybe he'd bring it over to Dib's house later, if only to watch him beg. Then he'd throw them into the lawn and watch him try to locate them with his teeth. The visual image was quite nice. So nice he nearly walked into the door of the preskool, seeing only the frantic earth boy and his lawn plight.  
  
"Mr. Irkin?"  
  
Zim nodded. "Yes, sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going."  
  
The assistant teacher smiled. "You are so much like your little brother."  
  
The very thought sent shivers down Zim's spine. The lady ducked down and produced Gir in her slightly chubby arms. "Gir's been a very good boy today!" she said, overly zealous.  
  
"I'm sure he has been." Zim took him from the woman's grasp and set him on the ground. "Come, Gir. We've much work to do."  
  
"I ate dirt!"  
  
"I'm so pleased." He tapped the SIR unit on the head and began walking, watching the small robot chase and catch up with him. There was a time he'd been relatively the same size as the information retrieval unit, but it graced his knees now. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't trip over the thing. It was quite a nuisance. He had thought of updating it into a new body, but then the preskool façade would have to fall. In the end, a few trips and rug burns weren't too much to deal with. Plus, the little thing had a habit of coming off looking cute.   
  
"Can we have pizza tonight?" Gir asked.  
  
Zim shook his head. "No, Gir. No pizza. I'm making something much more satisfying."  
  
"OOOh, what is it?"  
  
"REVENGE!" Zim let his head fall back in a menacing cackle.  
  
Gir smacked his lips. "I can't taste it..."  
  
The Irkin righted himself and shook his green head. "Yes, Gir. I suppose we can order pizza. But after I'm through."  
  
"Through with what? Where?"  
  
"Here." Zim stopped in front of a familiar house, letting Gir catch up with him.  
  
"Dib's house!" Gir cheered. "I like Dib. He's nice!"  
  
"No, Gir. Not nice. He's our enemy." It was a lesson the little thing never quite understood. "Why don't you go home and order us some pizza while I finish up here?"  
  
Gir's eye turned crimson as he saluted. "Yes, my Master!"  
  
Zim watched him trod off for a while, mostly checking to make sure Gir had understood what he was ordered to do. Most likely, if it involved food or exactly what he wanted to do, Gir would obey, but the chance was always there that he'd forget and go out to a rave on a whim. It had been known to happen.  
  
Zim walked right into the house, not even bothering with the doorbell or knocking. The death mobile wasn't outside so Gaz was sure to not be around, and the chances of Professor Membrane being in were slim to none. And with Dib cuffed and unable to answer the door anyway, it was a waste of time and effort. He walked up the stairs and peaked into a few rooms. He could tell immediately which one belonged to whom. Gaz's room was an assortment of black and purple with a repeating skull motif that screamed Goth girl. The professor's room was collecting dust and cobwebs, obviously never used. That left only one more door. Zim debated slamming it open and startling Dib from the start, or just strolling in and making it known he had complete control over the situation. They were both enticing choices. Zim decided on the latter for pure controlling reasons. The Dib seemed to be more susceptible to confidence then threats, anyway. He grabbed the doorknob and turned, pushing into the room and standing in the doorway with his hands at his hips.   
  
Somehow, Dib had managed to steal the upper hand from Zim as the Irkin stood like a startled deer in oncoming traffic.   
  
Dib lay on his bed clothed only in purple bruises and dried blood. His body was curled in on itself, his face resting in his knees. In all their battles, he'd never seen the youth so beaten and weary. With his skin so pale it was almost luminescent, he looked like a fallen angel. His golden eyes were a dusty brown, no longer glittering with intelligence and cunning. They looked straight through Zim, his body not even attempting to hide the fact that he was naked.  
  
Zim swallowed, deciding to continue his play of superiority. "Ha. Pitiful human. Bet you wish your arms were free!" He produced the key from his own pocket. "And as you said before, only this can undo them!"  
  
Dib blinked, burying his face deeper into his chest and knees. "Do you want to hurt me, too?"  
  
Why did he sound so pathetic? So...defeated? Was handcuffing the human truly the means of ridding himself of the nuisance? It seemed just a little too easy. "I've always wanted to hurt you, stupid! I've been trying to kill you for six years!"  
  
Dib suddenly stretched out, unfolding himself from the ball and lying perfectly still on his bed. "Go ahead then. Kill me."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Finish what you started. Kill me."  
  
Zim stepped back. It was like what the humans referred to as the "twilight zone." Human modesty was obviously forgotten here, as well as self-preservation. Who was he to fight it, though? This was his chance! He'd finally be rid on the wretched Dib human! Zim stepped forward, looking around the room for some sort of weapon. There was a nice rack of hunting knives above one of the dressers. Zim decided they would do quite nicely and picked out a sharp and delicately ornamented one. The ebony hilt felt odd in his hand but he could wield it well enough to kill. That was all that mattered. He crossed to the bed, trying not to look at the human's body. Despite the roadmap of pain that crossed his flesh, he was still beautiful by human standards. Hell, by Irkin standards he wasn't bad to look at either.   
  
Zim glanced at his face, not realizing he'd been staring. Dib's eyes met his, emotionless and cold. Zim was blushing, Dib was not.   
  
"Do it."  
  
Zim briefly went over what exactly Dib was asking him to do. For a moment, he could have sworn Dib was asking him to... Once again, Zim's loins were speaking for his brain. Zim adjusted his grip on the knife, watching the sunrays glance off the blade and dance across the pale skin that rose and fell with each breath. Not for long, he thought. But was this all too easy? Six years of fighting, winning and loosing, just to be handed the opportunity on a silver platter. Make that a red-blanketed bed.  
  
Zim could see the battered face in the blade's reflection. The eyes were squeezed shut, the glasses strewn somewhere else, small pools of water collecting at the corners. Was Dib...crying? He pulled the blade away, dropping it to his side. "Why are you letting me do this?"  
  
Dib's eyes flew open, releasing all the pain, anger and despair that were locked away in the usually bright depths, letting them roll down his cheeks and soak into the pillow.   
"Kill me. It's what you've always wanted, and it's the only thing I have left to give."  
  
Zim shook his head and let the dagger fall to the floor with a thump. The sound did not go unheard. Dib shrieked, "Damnit, Zim! If you don't, I will!"  
  
"You can't, " Zim noted. "You're arms are cuffed." He sighed, disappointed and disgusted. "It's the only reason you were alive when I got here. You couldn't do it yourself." He sneered. "You pathetic worm."  
  
"You don't know anything!" Dib was suddenly, viciously, alive, kicking and flailing his legs. "Uncuff me! Uncuff me now, Damnit!"  
  
"Why? So you can kill yourself?" Zim stood out of harm's way, no longer finding the body frail and inoffensive. "You disgust me human! Only a species such as yours would rather destroy themselves than live and learn! Why do you think it's called survival of the fittest?"  
  
"I wish he had killed me!" Dib shouted, finally settling down when it became clear he couldn't do anything. Again. "I wish he'd beaten me to death instead of unconscious, leaving me there for them to find!"   
  
Zim picked the knife up and put it back where he'd gotten it, casting a disgusted glance at the bed. Dib was practically bawling, his very being radiating self-pity and loathing.  
  
"You got beaten up, Dib," Zim said blandly. "No big deal. You'll get over it."  
  
"He raped me!"  
  
For a moment Zim wasn't sure he'd heard him correctly. He turned around, a scrutinizing brow lifted, though his stomach flipped and twisted.  
  
"Torque Smacky...raped you?"  
  
Dib choked on a sob, his head turned to the side that faced the wall.  
  
"Why are you telling me this?" He strode over to the bed again, this time grabbing Dib by the shoulders, forcing him to look at him with a few strong shakes. "Why?"  
  
"Because you wouldn't kill me because you hated me!" he managed. "I thought maybe you'd kill me out of pity."  
  
"You're lying."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"I don't believe you. You're making up stories just so I'll-"  
  
"Look at me!" Dib screamed. His voice suddenly became very silent, his head falling forward, the top of his hair glancing across Zim's chin. "Look at me and care. Please. I just want someone to care..."  
  
Zim looked down, shocked. He wanted to drop him and run out of the house, but his stomach wouldn't let him. So instead he wrapped his arms around the cold naked body and held him close as he cried. Dib's whole body shook as he coughed and heaved, not bothered at all that it was in the feigned comfort of his own enemy.  
  
"It's all your fault," he gasped, burying his head deeper under Zim's chin. "It's all your fault."  
  
"No it's not. Because I don't believe you," Zim muttered, making soothing circles across the purple-splotched skin.  
  
Dib nodded. "I know you don't." He angled his head up, just enough to take a bit of green flesh into his lips and suck it gently. "You don't because you don't want to. You don't want to know someone else made me scream in pain, made me weak and defenseless." He sucked again, tasting the mix of salt and a foreign flavor he couldn't pin point. "That someone else made me cry for death. Like you never could. Not in six years."  
  
That struck a cord. Zim had been confused with the sucking, but rage was the only clear emotion that coursed through him now. He pulled Dib away, pushing him back onto the bed. "What are you getting at, human?"  
  
"Just saying you must be jealous. Someone did what you've failed at over and over again in just half an hour. How does it feel to know someone was better than you? An earthling even." Dib wrapped one leg around Zim, trying to pull him closer in the only way available to him. "I wonder if you even could do it."  
  
Zim glared. "Quit playing games with me, Dib. I've no intention of going so low as to rape you."  
  
"It wouldn't be rape if I begged." Dib leaned forward, trying to regain the flesh he'd tasted only to be pushed back into the covers.  
  
"What is wrong with you?!" The Irkin felt something inside him wrench at the sight of confused human. "Do you realize what you're asking? WHO you're asking?"  
  
Dib only nodded, his face smiling though his eyes still leaked with tears. "I know I must seem disoriented, but I know what I want. I don't want to be alone. They can get you when you're alone. No one can hear you or help you when you're alone. No one cares that you're missing or that you're screaming. Or crying. I need someone. Here. Now. I don't want to hear him in my head. If you won't kill me then please, chase the vision away." He sniffed, his face pulling back to make it look like he was smiling bigger. "I'd rather see you in my head than him."  
  
Zim's loins were pulsing with desire. Seeing Dib naked and on full display was enough to arouse some hunger, but to be invited to the all you can eat buffet had him salivating. What was wrong with a little sex anyway? It released tension, relaxed if not sedated the body, as well as being a great way to pass time. And sex with a human was bound to be interesting and informative. He looked at Dib, feeling guilty for even considering it. He was obviously confused. Wasn't he? But why should he care? This was his enemy!   
  
"What are you waiting for?" Dib asked, licking his lips sensuously. Since when had Dib become so alluring?  
  
Zim made up his mind. He leaned forward; capturing the lips in a thorough kiss, then pulled back, standing up and walking to the door. "I'll see you in skool tomorrow."  
  
Dib nodded, or so Zim hoped. He kept his back turned to him, not sure he could continue the refusal if he dared to look back.  
  
"Zim?" The voice had changed again, more into something he was accustomed to. "You really don't believe me...do you?"  
  
Zim put his hand in his pocket and pulled out of the small key to the cuffs. "It'll be under the door mat outside. You'll have to ask for someone to get it for you. They can watch you and make sure you don't do anything stupid."  
  
"Zim?"  
  
The Irkin shook his head. "I can't answer that, Dib." He opened the door to his room and stepped into the hallway. "I'll see you tomorrow." And with that he closed the door.  
  
Dib watched and waited for a few more minutes before deciding to pull on some stretch topped shorts. He licked his lips, still feeling the tingle of excitement from the lip locked pressure. It had been his first kiss.  
  
**  
  
Another peice of filth ^,~ And more to come. How is this a sequil to FPP you ask? It doesn't make sence till the last chapter becuase I am a sick individual who wants you to suffer through it all of this to get to a simple exspliantion.  
  
Still thankful to Karyx ^,~ ::glomp:: 


	3. lustful lies

Listening to Five Iron Frenzy and rereading this makes for a very awkward mix. Like peanut butter and fish. Fine alone but not together ^,~;;;  
**  
"I'm gonna draw a squirrel today!" Gir announced, happily jumping off the dresser and running to the front door to be let out and taken to skool.  
  
Zim followed him, rubbing at his gritty eyes. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. It seemed that every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was Dib lying naked, asking Zim to ravage him, with his moist lips parted and his tongue flickering over them. They had been very vivid dreams and startlingly pleasant. Which was why he had lain awake most of the night, fighting off the arousal and the stomach wrenching pain of conflict.  
  
"We have to hurry or they'll take all the good crayons!" Gir insisted, running in circles to pass time. This only resulted in him running into the door when Zim finally opened it. The robot was apparently fused with rubber, though, as it bounced back and took off running into the street.  
  
"Just a minute, Gir!" Zim turned to close and seal the door behind him.   
  
"Hellooooo, Dib! Are you here to walk Zim to skool?"  
  
Zim turned around, nearly dropping his books. Sure enough, Dib was standing just outside the front lawn, just far enough away for the gnomes to pay him no mind. He looked even worse than he had the day before, Zim noted, cringing as how the other wounds, hidden by his clothing, must have changed since he'd last seen him. His head looked even bigger than normal, too, with one eye swollen shut.  
  
"Morning, Zim.," he said calmly, looking as though no one should have been surprised to see him.  
  
Zim nodded. "Yeah. Same to you." He readjusted his grip on his books and walked to where the other two waited. "You need something or are you just enjoying the view?"  
  
"I wanted to thank you," Dib said, trying to keep his gaze steady with his one good eye. "Thank you for...not...yesterday when I..." He bit his bottom lip, a relieving laugh brought forth to ease his tension. "I wasn't thinking straight...and I wanted to thank you for not...taking advantage of...the situation."  
  
Zim nodded, finding it about as uncomfortable to speak of as Dib did, but doing his best, rather convincingly, to show that it didn't faze him the slightest. "It would have been too easy to have just killed you in such a weakened state."  
  
Dib's cheeks grew warm with embarrassed self-loathing. "Not only that, Zim...."  
  
The Irkin looked down at Gir, not sure he wanted to continue the conversation with the talkative robot at his side. "Gir, I think today you can find your own way to skool, alright?"  
  
Gir saluted, his eyes turning red inside the toddler mouth, and said, "Yes, my Master!" before he turned around and screamed, "I'm runnninnn'!"  
  
Zim shook his head, taking the moment's diversion to think. There were always so many ways to deal with the stink beast and no matter how often he thought about it, each one sounded like a great alternative. He could always rub in Dib's face what a disgusting creature he was for even suggesting Zim might have taken him up on the sexual offer, or go about like he didn't even know what the earth monkey was talking about, or show at least some compassion in light of the human's condition.   
  
"I'm sorry it happened," Dib said in a rush, his head falling to his chest. "There were a million ways for me to have handled that better."  
  
"You went through about five of them," Zim noted, limiting his choices considerably. "I never knew you humans could be so temperamental."  
  
"I said I was sorry!" Dib looked up, his arms snaking across his chest in a defensive manner. "You couldn't understand what was going through my head."  
  
The Irkin shook his head. "Are you still going on about Torque raping you?"   
  
Dib shuddered visibly, looking at the ground once more. "You still don't believe me."  
  
"Why should I? With the way you were acting and our ever-present 'me versus you' relationship, I'd say I've got plenty of grounds to not believe a word you say."  
  
"It doesn't have to be that way."  
  
Dib took a step closer, letting his arms fall to his sides. Gold met endless ruby in a sideways gaze.  
  
"Keep this up and you'll be back here apologizing tomorrow too," Zim walked past, brushing against him with his shoulder purposely.  
  
"I want to help you destroy the Earth, Zim."  
  
Zim paused, looking back over his shoulder at the human's slumped back. "I've had enough of you're trickery for one day, Dib."  
  
"It's not trickery. I want to help you." Dib turned around, leaning heavily against the fence. "I was up all night thinking about it. About what you said. Survival of the fittest and all. Earth is full of worthless beings, Zim. Did you know humans are the only species on this planet who kill each other for sport? And we're supposed to be the sentient ones." He took a step forward, slightly limping. "Evolution messed up. Your species' intervention is the only hope for retribution for this planet."  
  
"You realize they'll just turn it into a galactic nacho stand."  
  
Dib shook his head. "Does it matter? Humans are not fit to rule this planet. They should be stopped."   
  
The Irkin turned around, glaring at the human with disdain. "As much as I agree with you, I won't believe you've suddenly changed your mind. Besides, I do not need your help. As you said, humans are disgusting and disgraceful. You are no exception."  
  
"Then why did you kiss me?"  
  
Zim winced, turning around and grabbing Dib much as he had the night before, his fingers digging painfully into his shoulders. "Do not try to turn things around on me! Anything that happened yesterday was your fault and it was my honor that saved us both from any further complications! The lines between enemy and...whatever else you had in mind...have already been smeared by your actions!"  
  
Dib muttered softly under his breath, the sound completely inaudible.  
  
Zim let him go, pushing him away harder than he'd thought and sending the beaten and bruised human to the concrete sidewalk. "I'm going to skool. I suggest you walk quickly if you don't want to be late."  
  
"I'm not going."  
  
"Then go home!"  
  
"Zim..."  
  
"What do you want from me?!" Zim threw his arms into the air in exasperation. "You want me to kill you, you want me to fuck you, you want me to help you, you want to help me! Make up your mind or leave me alone!"  
  
"If that's the way it has to be..." Dib picking himself off the ground with the help of the fence once more. He wavered on his feet for a few seconds but managed to walk the few steps between Zim and himself without much more of its aid. He stood to his tallest, angling his face until his good eye stared straight through the Irkin and into his soul.  
  
"Fuck me."  
  
Zim blinked, startled and surprised. "You're serious."  
  
"Let me prove I'm on your side now. It's obvious you don't trust what I say, but maybe you'll believe my actions."  
  
"But what about skool?"  
  
"I already told you. I'm not going." Dib leaned forward, his chest pressing against Zim's.  
  
Zim's arms instinctively wrapped around the small body, surprised by how cold he felt despite all the clothing he wore. "You're a disgusting piece of earth filth, Dib, and I'll never believe anything you've said no matter what you do."  
  
"I know you think you won't." He let his head fall, nestling it against the alien warmth. "I also know it's been at least six years since you've gotten laid."  
  
Zim found himself pressing the weak and fragile body against his own. He felt the nibbling and sucking on his neck and collarbone, groaning as he tilted his head to provide better access.  
  
"Face it, Zim. You need this."  
  
The fine thread of control that had held out since the day before and long into the night snapped.  
  
**  
  
They'd gone directly to the bedroom and from there directly to the bed. Pleasure and pain a memonry on the tip of his mind, Dib cuddled up close to Zim, resting his head on his chest with an arm strewn across his warm and sturdy frame. He looked up at him with a calculating gaze.   
  
"You'll never believe me, will you?"  
  
Zim shook his head, closing his eyes and riding the aftermath of their exertion. "No. Why should I? You're just a filthy human." He wrapped his own arm around the small bruised body next to him, giving him a brief squeeze before relaxing into a gentle embrace. "This is really gonna screw with the whole enemy thing."  
  
Dib was too deep in slumber to reply.   
  
**  
  
And I'm starting to enjoy this now ^,~ I admit to liking what I omited here in some sick and stwisted way ^,~;;;; If you're feeling brave, you can read the unedited version at 


	4. consiquential castoffs

And the fic goes on....  
  
**  
  
Coffee seemed like a very good idea. It was about the only voice in Zim's head he wished to listen to anyway. He slid out from under Dib's warm arms without stirring him too much, stopping himself as he began pulling the sheets over the slumbering teen. And he thought Gir had the whole "enemy" thing confused. He practically ran from the room, doing his best to remember not to slam the door behind him as he vaulted for the kitchen to brew a pot of java. Despite being water based, it was the only earth drink he cared for. It meant he had to drink a paste solution once a week to protect his innards but it was better than the alternative: imported space travel designed drink substitutes.  
  
The bubbly pop and aroma quickly soothed his mind into thought, though his fingers twitched with anticipation. Did humans have any way of knowing just how addictive the back liquid could be? Soon enough, a warm cup was poured into his white mug and he sat at his table with a sigh and a most appreciative sip.  
  
Just what had be been thinking? Zim let the liquid run through his system, feeling it coat his body in soothing heat. Sex with a human... And Dib at that...was it worth the possible compromise of the mission? Letting the enemy into the base was no-no number one. Sleeping with him had never been a number before, but it probably ranked pretty high up on the list now. And those were just the problems dealing with the mission.   
  
Zim raked a hand over his antennae. Irkin's had morals, too, maybe not the same as Dib's strange species, but there was still a personal code of conduct to follow. Having sex wasn't exactly against it. Having promiscuous sex was border line. Having sex with someone you distrusted and whose conditions behind the whole extrusion were likely to be unmet was defiantly in the red area. So why had he done it? When everything rational thought screamed not to, why had he fallen prey to desire?  
  
Because, the irrational part reminded him, passions don't play off reason.  
  
He'd seen the truth of it in bed; his ears (or lack there of) and eyes opened to sights previously unseen and sounds never heard. They hadn't been enemies fighting for completion. They had been two parts of one impulse, united internally by external actions. Lies and truth were blurred; past, present and future forgotten; consequences waived in ecstasy.  
  
The coffee mug seemed cold. Zim looked down, seeing he'd finished off the cup in the midst of thought and revelation. Well that was all well and good, but what was he supposed to do about things now? Not the coffee. That was easily solved: pour another mug full. But what about himself and Dib? He couldn't just drink the confusion away and pour the new reality into the emptiness. Could he? He had the equipment. He could easily erase all the unhappy and unnecessary moments from their heads, whether from the past or recent events.   
  
In the end, it was all a matter of trust.  
  
Dib's recent behavior, though opening up new possibilities, was distressing. Could he trust the human with more than his heart...or even that much, if it wasn't too late to pull it back?  
  
No.  
  
Zim poured and sipped his fresh cup with a frown. The human was too unpredictable to be trusted. And his lies... One morning of passion was all that could be accepted. Even if it were too late to disengage his heart, it would be better to let go before he became too used to the tempting idea of a continued relationship. He swallowed a mouthful of the bitter liquid. He'd tell him when he woke up that it was fun while it lasted, then shut him out forever. Life would return to normal, as if nothing had ever happened.  
  
He couldn't help but wonder how wrong he was.  
  
**  
  
Though quite content, wrapped in his own little world beneath the covers and gentle hum of the house, Dib stirred to consciousness as the bed dipped with new weight. His first instinct was the hold the warm body he'd fallen asleep with, only to find it had relocated. He opened his eyes, twisting around to gaze at the not so happy looking face that hovered over him.  
  
"What time is it?" he asked, a huskiness falling over his voice from sleep.  
  
"Time for you to go home."  
  
Dib nestled deeper into his warm cocoon, reaching out with one hand to grab the one Zim supported his weight on. Zim quickly retracted it, much to Dib's distress. He opened his eyes again, sitting up till he leaned on his elbows. "What's wrong?"  
  
Zim bit the inside of his lip. "You need to go."  
  
"What?" Dib faltered. "W-what did I do wrong?"  
  
"It's something we both did wrong, Dib." Zim crossed his legs, his arms snaking around his knees. "It can't be changed, but we can stop it from happening again."  
  
"But I don't want to!" Dib cried, trying again to grasp hold of Zim. He touched his back, feeling the muscles tense under the green flesh.  
  
"Don't."  
  
"Zim...."  
  
The Irkin shook his head, rolling his shoulders back to dislodge the hand. "We've had a history of deceit. I don't trust you. We'll always be enemies, Dib. We made this path for ourselves. Just because you say things will be different means nothing."   
  
"I wouldn't lie to the one person who's ever cared for me!"  
  
"Then start telling the truth." Zim turned, glaring into the sad golden eye.  
  
Dib seemed to shrink, his knees bent with his chin resting on them, fist clinging to the covers. "About what?"  
  
"About you!" The Irkin leapt off the bed. "About why you've suddenly changed your mind about humanity; about why you're suddenly throwing yourself at me; about what really happened at skool yesterday!"  
  
"I already told you!"  
  
"Then tell me again!"  
  
Dib looked up, the corners of his eyes moist. "Why are you doing this to me?"  
  
"Because you're not making any sense!" Zim's fist was planted firmly on his hip, one hand flailing madly to punctuate every word. "Because you're lying to me and yourself! I know you, Dib! I've known you long enough to write your biography, researched everything about you and combated you from the trifle to the fatal! In all that time, I've thought I learned who you are and what you're capable of. You're persistent, you're conniving, you're curious, you've a tendency to be selfish, you're loyal and you're afraid no one will ever know how hard you've tried to stop me." He leaned over the bed, practically in Dib's face and way into his personally bubble. "Now if I'm wrong about any of that stuff, then tell me. But before you do, tell me what I should do with a sniveling earth monkey who, until recent events, was trying to get my guts broadcasted on Mysterious Mysteries!"  
  
"Trust him?"  
  
"I can't."  
  
Dib grabbed hold of Zim, holding on despite the alien's struggle to pull away. "Zim, please! I've done everything I can think of to prove myself to you! Give it time! Give me a chance! Don't turn me away! Please!" His tears fell to Zim's skin. Zim yelped as his skin began to sizzle with the contact. "Please, Zim! Don't make me go away!"  
  
The pain mixed with the aggravation fueled Zim's strength as he pushed the human from his bed. He held his shoulder, feeling the sting from the burn. "I'm going to pick Gir up from preskool now."  
  
Dib covered his nude body with the cover as he reached out for the other. "No...please..."  
  
"If you're still here when I get back..." He looked away, biting the inside of his lip. "Well, just don't be."  
  
"Look at me Zim!"  
  
The Irkin kept his back turned to him, only walking further away.  
  
"What do you want me to do? Damnit, Zim, I'm begging you!"  
  
Zim paused at the door, his eyes catching a glimpse of a photograph of himself and Gir on the dresser. "I want you to be honest with yourself, Dib. And maybe one day you can tell me if this is important to you." He gripped the doorknob tightly. "Until then, I'll see you on the battlefield. Things haven't changed, just the incentive."  
  
When Zim returned home with Gir in tow the house was completely empty, just like his heart. 


	5. discovery drive

I love the skeletons ^,~  
  
**  
  
"I'm gonna draw a piggy today!"  
  
Zim happily handed the ADHD robot to the teacher, who seemed content with keeping up with Gir's eccentricities, if not encouraging them. Not that it mattered. For eight hours, he was their problem, not his.  
  
The birds were chirping, the sun was out, daffodils sprung up in the grass and babies burped on bus stop benches. What a perfectly wretched Earth day, Zim thought. The planet smelled bad enough already, like it needed the extra stench of nature, which seemed to harbor a liking to overly spiced aromas. Much like most of the girls he sat behind in his classes. How humans were attracted to the musk was beyond his senses.  
  
No sooner had he taken off for skool, then the smell of exhaust attacked him as well. It was that time again. Zim readied himself to leap into the bushes for cover only to see the speed beast slowing down. Hell must have frozen over, or so went the human saying. The saying about the cat came back as well, but his curiosity was worth the tire marks he might have acquired. The dark sled pulled up to the sidewalk beside Zim with the purple-haired goth leaning over the empty passenger seat. She looked no more pissed than normal, her face the expressionless mask it had always been.  
  
"Did you kill Dib?"  
  
The Irkin envied the cat from the saying. He wished his heart had stopped rather than just shattering like a jar of fireflies, letting all the important things fly away. His face drained of color, his arms falling limply to his sides. "What are you talking about, Gaz?" he asked, finding breathing more labored.  
  
"Get in," she instructed, unlocking the passenger side door and sitting back into her own seat.  
  
Though normally opposed to the idea of riding with the doom driven teenager, Zim complied. No sooner had he put a foot in the door, then the car hen taken off, leaving Zim to pedal till he could pull the rest of himself into the black and purple fuzzy seat cover and closed the door.   
  
"I know all about you," Gaz started, wrenching the steering wheel right, barely missing the chihuahua that stood in the median. "I know my brother was right about you being an alien and wanting to take over the world. So tell me Zim. Did you kill him?"  
  
Zim held onto the "oh shit" bar over his head, watching the world slide by. "No. I didn't kill him." His shoulder smashed into the window as the car careened in another direction. "What happened?"  
  
The skull decorations bounced from the rearview mirror like laughing faces with their skeletal mouths stretched in gruesome grins.  
  
Gaz switched gears, her foot pounding on the clutch and gas alternately. "I don't know. He hasn't come home and no one's seen him in almost two days."  
  
Zim's eyes lit up. "So, he's not dead?"  
  
Gaz shrugged.  
  
"Why'd you scare me like that!?" he shouted, feeling the fireflies float back into the jar. "Stupid meat bag bitch!"  
  
Gaz arched a brow, deciding to let him off with that one. "You worried about him? Thought you hated each other!"  
  
"I do!" Zim spat. "But hating him and wishing he were dead are two different things!"  
  
"Since when?"  
  
Zim growled, looking out the side window. The scenery had changed from what he usually saw on his daily trek to higher learning. In fact, the tall structures of the city seemed to grow nearer. Fear gripped his gut. This wasn't the way to skool. "Where are you taking me?" he asked, his free hand gripping the soft seat cover fuzz.  
  
"Nowhere in particular. I've just got some questions." She skidded around a corner. "And you're gonna tell me exactly what I want to know."  
  
The "or else" part was understood. Zim gulped down the feeling of impending doom. She had him right where she wanted him; with no means of escape. "Do you promise not to drive us into a wall if I say things you don't like?"  
  
"I promise to consider alternative options."  
  
It was as good an offer as he expected. "Go ahead then, pitiful demon spawn."  
  
Beating the shit out of him seemed like a much better plan for the day than interrogation. The sole thought of her brother sleeping on a bench in the park or an alley kept her hands to the wheel and her eyes on the road...mostly. "When's the last time you saw Dib?" Her voice was stern with the "no bullshit" edge that was her trademark.  
  
"Yesterday."  
  
A quick right turn and another bang against the window for the prisoner.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"My house." Zim ducked as they passed through a blockade of wooden police markers, as if it would help the car shield him.  
  
The mirror skulls danced as the wheels skidded.  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
'Please! Don't make me go away! Give me a chance, Zim! Please!'  
  
Zim shook his head, having heard the pleas echo in his mind ever since he'd left the troubled teen in his room. "Nothing."  
  
"Bull shit!"  
  
The car's lack of shocks catapulted Zim's head into the ceiling, reminding him of the wonderful seat belt invention and how they only worked if worn, as the car jumped over a small unfinished part of the road and careened to the existing bit twenty feet below.  
  
"You weren't in skool, either, yesterday. Must have been something, Zim."  
  
Zim's short life flashed across his eyes. "Wow, I forgot about that," he thought, as he pulled the flame printed safety restraint over his chest and secured it with a reassuring click."What do you want me to tell you? I had better things to do? Like your brother?"  
  
Irk bless the seatbelt. Gaz stepped on the brakes faster that light, herself being less than affected by the sudden halt while Zim flounced forward for an eternity only to be painfully pulled backwards into the seat.  
  
Gaz took her hands off the wheel and turned to stare with open-eyed shock, forgetting the honking horns behind her and the lewd shouts of road rage. "You took the day off to screw my brother?"  
  
"It was his stupid idea!" He rubbed at his chest, feeling for bruises, not recognizing the "I SO didn't hear that right!" tinge to her voice.  
  
Gaz blinked, fairly surprised, less at the fact that her brother was gay, and more that he'd slept with Zim. "Huh. My brother's gay." She shrugged than stepped on the gas again. "So what happened?"  
  
"You want the play by play?"  
  
"Ew, no!" Gaz punched him in the side. "Tell me what he said to you, what you said to him and when he left."  
  
Zim worried his bottom lip. "He's been acting weird, ya noticed?"  
  
Gaz shook her head.  
  
"Ever since they found him in the bathroom." He remembered. "It's like Torque knocked a few screws loose."  
  
"Torque's been bragging about it nonstop. Kept saying he taught the fag to show some respect or something." She twisted the car around in a sharp U turn. Grandma jumped out of the way, but the boy scout helping her across wasn't so lucky. Gaz kept on driving. "I never got to see Dib. He never came out of his room. Just had me go get a key from under the mat and slip it under the door. He hasn't said anything to me since."  
  
"You wouldn't want to hear what he had to say anyway. He's deranged." Zim got a good hold on the "oh shit" bar in anticipation as the light above switched from green to yellow. "Keeps saying Torque raped him."  
  
There was a moment of silence--despite the wheels, screaming and chaos ensuing outside as the car slipped through the red light--when Gaz's features opened up in the purest emotions of grief. She wheeled around in the other direction, doing a U turn in the intersection, heading back towards the skool. "I'll kill him...."  
  
"I'm telling you, he's delusional! He also said he wanted to help me destroy all of humanity!"  
  
"Wouldn't you if someone violated you like that?" Gaz asked through a clenched jaw.  
  
Zim's response was caught in his throat. Would he?  
  
"You didn't believe him?" Gaz spat, recognizing the tone of his voice. "What did you say to him?"  
  
Zim felt the firefly jar inside of him teeter on the edge of the shelf. "I...I told him he was a liar...that he was filthy, that he had to leave or I'd kill him...."  
  
"Damnit, Zim!" Gaz let go of the wheel, grabbing him by the collar instead and pulling him over, nearly into her lap. "He told you something horrible happened and you insulted him?! If he's dead, you will be too!"  
  
"I thought he was making it up!" he cried in defense, pulling against her rage-improved grip. "We're enemies! I'm not supposed to trust him!"  
  
His explanation died with the rest of the world as Gaz sneered at him and punched the gas to the floor. "As the only person who treats him like a human being, you should have!"  
  
Zim watched as a cop car appeared from behind them, his lights blinking wildly. It was obvious what he was after. Gaz sped up, if it were possible, turning down a maze of alley ways to elude the police.  
  
"I did treat him like a human being. That was the problem," Zim muttered to himself, mesmerized by the sounds of sirens. "He's more than that."  
  
A sideways glance offered her a view of the crestfallen alien. It was hard to believe he was anything but human as he sulked there, taking on the same pain as any normal earthling, trying to resolve the inside to coexist with the outside. "I still don't know where he is," Gaz reminded him. "We can talk about how stupid you are when we find him."  
  
Zim shook his head. "I don't know where he could have gone, Gaz. I don't know of any places he retreats to other than his room."  
  
"Well, I checked there."  
  
"Did you check the closet?"  
  
The sirens grew further away as Gaz's escape route proved fruitful.  
  
"You didn't, did you?" Zim's brows rose questionably.  
  
"What would he be doing in his closet?"  
  
Zim rolled his eyes. "Drop me off at your house. I'll look for him there."  
  
"I'm going in too," she shouted.  
  
"No." Zim glared at her, forgetting the peril that surrounded him. "He came to me for help before and I blew it. I need to make amends."  
  
"What if he's not home?"  
  
The vehicle lurched forward. This time Zim was ready, bracing himself and only being wrenched against the restraint for a moment. "It's not even noon yet. I've plenty of time to comb the city for him. You go to skool and leave this to me."  
  
Gaz nodded, cracking her knuckles. "And I get Torque."  
  
"Save some for me, promise?" Zim unbuckled his seat belt and stepped out of the car, grateful for solid ground and feeling a little lightheaded. They had stopped just outside the Membrane's house.   
  
"It depends on what parts of him won't fit in Tupperware. Wouldn't want him spoiling before he's paid for hurting Dib." She leaned over the passenger seat, commanding Zim's attention. "There's always room for you in the specimen jars in the lab, Zim. Don't think I won't come for you if anything happens to him."  
  
Zim nodded in full understanding. "Thanks."  
  
She took off, flames licking at her tires as fresh marks were burned into the cement. Zim turned around, looking up at the tall arcane house. The arch doorway reminded him of a tombstone. 


	6. fatal fortune

And the end is here. And for people who want to read what was omited, check out   
  
**  
  
"Dib?"   
  
Zim opened the door to the human's room, his eyes scanning for a body as well as any signs of blood. He hated the thought of Dib being left alone. He saw all the daggers in their places on the display over the dresser. The room was completely spotless; not a sock on the floor or a wrinkle in the sheets on his red-blanketed bed. It didn't look like anyone had ever lived in the room; the powerful stench of clean undiluted by human odors.  
  
"Dib?" His voice was taking on a desperate edge as he neared the closed closet doors. His hand reached out to grace the identification pad, praying he'd find what he wanted and not emptiness or death. The green pad gave a brief beep, signaling it was already unlocked, much to Zim's relief. The doors swung open.  
  
His eyes focused on the shapes of the floor.  
  
One of them was wearing a trench coat.  
  
Zim breathed a sigh of relief. "Dib, what are you doing in the closet?"  
  
The body on the floor rustled, burying its head in its knees. "How'd you know I was here?"  
  
"I told you: I've known you long enough to write your biography." Zim smiled, extending his hand. "Come on. You can't hide forever."  
  
Dib pulled away from the offered hand. "I'm not hiding."  
  
"You're in a closet, Dib," Zim pointed out.  
  
"This is where the monsters are supposed to go."  
  
A body wrenching sob threatened to fall from the Irkin's mouth. He let out a shuddering breath, feeling the skin prickle on the back of his neck. "You're not a monster, Dib..." He knelt down, sitting on his heals. "If anyone's a monster, it's Torque...and me..." The last part was a whisper, intended for only the silence between them and his own pitying heart.  
  
Dib shifted, turning his head to the side, looking at Zim for the first time. "I can still feel him inside me," he said quietly, only mildly aware of the fingers that ran through his hair, pushing it out of his face.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Do you?" Dib's mouth set in a firm determined frown, his eyes narrowing in anger.  
  
"I meant... " Zim moved his hand from the tangled mass of inky hair to the quivering shoulder. "I mean I believe you."  
  
Dib's body instantly uncurled, the arms flinging out and clasping behind Zim's back as the tear-stained face pressed hard into the Irkin's chest, as if it could somehow push it's way into the flesh. Zim only happily complied, his arms caressing the shivering body and throwing out all doubt, as his lips tenderly kissed his forehead and his cheek rubbed against the black tangles.  
  
"I didn't want to feel him anymore," the muffled voice confessed. "I was so mad, I thought he took everything that was worth something in me and left only a body fit to fuck."  
  
Zim tried to hush him, wanting only to hold him. But Dib continued, his voice growing stronger with every sentence.  
  
"When I saw the way you looked at me that night at my house, I knew what you wanted. He'd looked the same way. I felt obligated to whore myself out to you, like it was the only thing I was worth, a cheap screw. And when you refused...oh god...when you walked away I felt something in me come alive again. And I knew Torque hadn't killed off everything good in me." He moved his arms, holding Zim tighter. "You gave me back my will to survive. But I wanted more than that. I'm so tired of just surviving. I wanted to live. I thought, since you did it before, you could do it again, bring part of me back." Dib looked up, his face smiling. "I was terrified, but you were gentle. You cared about what I felt, about what every move you made did to me. And it wasn't Torque anymore. It was you. I felt you and for a while, I forgot about everything."  
  
Zim smiled. "I'm so sorry, Dib. I never should have said those things to you. I was so caught up in what I thought were lies; I never stopped to think what if you were telling the truth. Had I just taken the time, I'd have understood. I wouldn't have been such an asshole."  
  
"You were right though." Dib let his hand fall, letting both rest on the ground. "We're enemies."  
  
"Were, Dib." Zim pulled Dib closer, this time angling his head to intercept the human's. Their lips touched, a sensation that was ended too briefly. "I don't ever want to hurt you again."  
  
Dib sighed, falling into the warmth he'd thought he'd never deserve. "You don't have to worry; I don't plan on getting hurt."   
  
They stayed in a silence of a thousand words, waiting for nothing and everything to bring eternity to the moment.  
  
**  
  
Zim looked at his lover on the bed, fighting back the sigh that always escaped him. The wiry body of youth had filled out into adult hood, the once black hair speckled in grey. Since the morning he'd first found the colorless strands, Zim knew. Dib would die years before him. Centuries perhaps. Still long into the future, but imminent and unchangeable.  
  
The Irkin closed the door to their bedroom silently, repeating the same routine he'd adopted over the years. He pressed the coffee pot on and sat in his chair at the table, watching the liquid drop down into the pot.  
  
He envied the Tallest and their shared romance. One would most likely outlive the other, but not by much. Their life expectancy was the same, only individual health problems to keep them from sharing their last breaths. And here Zim had fallen for a human, a being who's life was written in sand to last only a third of an Irkin's before being swept away by the endless sea. It wasn't fair.  
  
He'd been working on a serum that would adapt Dib's organs to survive as long a time as an Irkin. It worked as far as all tests showed. But not on Dib, the only test subject that mattered. It slowed deterioration, even improved on many human weaknesses. Everything was perfect except for the fact that it didn't work. Dib was just too old for his cells to adapt to it.  
  
Zim watched the last drop of coffee fall and poured himself a mug full to the brim, slurping off the top what could have spilled over.   
  
There was still one last test to run, if one could call it that. Zim hesitated to even think about it. The consequences were great and yet so were the prizes to the victor. He remembered stories of when Dib was a child, how he swore he'd been adducted and they'd run tests on him.   
  
Zim set his empty mug down with an affirmative strike.   
  
The only way to be with Dib forever was to go to the past and administer the drug to him when his cells could still adapt to the changes. But if it had some adverse affect on the past Dib, the future would change. He might never have known Dib, never loved him. But such good could come at the same time. He might never be raped, never have had to live through his sister's tragic car accident and death.   
  
It was all a backwards spiral: a loop of possibilities hung from one point and choice in time that ripples through and rewrites the helix.  
  
And in one of those possibilities was a time in which it worked, and the Dib he'd loved would live through the centuries.  
  
Zim pushed off the table and headed down to his lab, reaching his time gate in record time. The date was already set, a last minute apprehension keeping him from realizing the dream. But if worst came to worst, he'd never remember the happiness he knew now and in the end, all that would matter was the conclusion.   
  
He wished he'd stopped by their room one last time to kiss the Dib he knew now before making his way to the gate.   
  
Pressing the button, Zim rewrote the spiral.  
  
**  
  
The first thing Zim learned to love about Earth was its gravity... 


End file.
